TED | 记得说“谢谢”

演讲简介

你会常常对人表示感谢或赞赏吗？相信有部分人会不好意思直接表达。但本期TED演讲嘉宾告诉我们，向别人表达自己的感谢和善意是很有必要的。一起来看看吧。

 

 

 

 

演讲精彩片段（节选）欣赏

 

Hi. I'm here to talk to you about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine.

嗨。我在这里要和大家谈谈，向别人表达赞美，倾佩和谢意的重要性。 并使它们听来真诚，具体。

 

And the way I got interested in this was, I noticed in myself, when I was growing up, and until about a few years ago, that I would want to say thank you to someone, I would want to praise them, I would want to take in their praise of me and I'd just stop it. And I asked myself, why? I felt shy, I felt embarrassed. And then my question became, am I the only one who does this? So, I decided to investigate.

之所以我对此感兴趣，是因为我从我自己的成长中注意到，几年前，当我想要对某个人说声谢谢时， 当我想要赞美他们时，当我想接受他们对我的赞扬，但我却没有说出口。我问我自己，这是为什么？我感到害羞，我感到尴尬。接着我产生了一个问题，难道我是唯一一个这么做的人吗？ 所以我决定做些探究。

 

I'm fortunate enough to work in the rehab facility, so I get to see people who are facing life and death with addiction. And sometimes it comes down to something as simple as, their core wound is their father died without ever saying he's proud of them.

我非常幸运的在一家康复中心工作，所以我可以看到那些因为上瘾而面临生与死的人。有时候这一切可以非常简单地归结为，他们最核心的创伤来自于他们父亲到死都未说过“他为他们而自豪”。

 

But then, they hear from all the family and friends that the father told everybody else that he was proud of him, but he never told the son. It's because he didn't know that his son needed to hear it.

但他们从所有其它家庭或朋友那里得知，他的父亲告诉其他人为他感到自豪，但这个父亲从没告诉过他儿子。因为他不知道他的儿子需要听到这一切。

 

So my question is, why don't we ask for the things that we need? I know a gentleman, married for 25 years, who's longing to hear his wife say, "Thank you for being the breadwinner, so I can stay home with the kids," but won't ask. I know a woman who's good at this.

因此我的问题是，为什么我们不索求我们需要的东西呢？ 我认识一个结婚25年的男士，他渴望听到他妻子说，“感谢你为这个家在外赚钱，这样我才能在家陪伴着孩子，”但他从来不去问。我认识一个精于此道的女士。

 

She, once a week, meets with her husband and says, "I'd really like you to thank me for all these things I did in the house and with the kids." And he goes, "Oh, this is great, this is great."

每周一次，她见到丈夫后会说，“我真的希望你为我对这个家和孩子们付出的努力而感谢我。”他会应和到“哦，真是太棒了，真是太棒了。”

 

And praise really does have to be genuine, but she takes responsibility for that. And a friend of mine, April, who I've had since kindergarten, she thanks her children for doing their chores. And she said, "Why wouldn't I thank it, even though they're supposed to do it?"

赞扬别人一定要真诚，但她对赞美承担了责任。一个从我上幼儿园就一直是朋友的叫April的人，她会感谢她的孩子们做了家务。她说：“为什么我不表示感谢呢，即使他们本来就要做那些事情？”

 

So, the question is, why was I blocking it? Why were other people blocking it? Why can I say, "I'll take my steak medium rare, I need size six shoes," but I won't say, "Would you praise me this way?"

因次我的问题是，为什么我不说呢？ 为什么其它人不说呢？ 为什么我能说：“我要一块中等厚度的牛排，我需要6号尺寸的鞋子，”但我却不能说：“你可以赞扬我吗？”

 

And it's because I'm giving you critical data about me. I'm telling you where I'm insecure. I'm telling you where I need your help. And I'm treating you, my inner circle, like you're the enemy. Because what can you do with that data? You could neglect me. You could abuse it. Or you could actually meet my need.

因为这会使我把我的重要信息与你分享。会让我告诉了你我内心的不安。会让你认为我需要你的帮助。虽然你是我最贴心的人，我却把你当作是敌人。你会用我托付给你的重要信息做些什么呢？ 你可以忽视我。你可以滥用它。或者你可以满足我的要求。