TED | 为什么我们需要与陌生人交流

演讲简介

 

“当你与陌生人交流的时候，你通过分享自己的经历，对别人的生活和自己的生活进行了美妙的打扰”Kio Stark如是说。在这个有趣的谈话中，Stark探讨了如果我们能够推翻对陌生人的成见会带来怎样意想不到的好处。同时要珍惜那些短暂但是意义深刻的真情瞬间。

 

 

 

演讲精彩片段（节选）欣赏

 

 

So, imagine two people are walking towards each other on the street. They’ll glance at each other from a distance. That’s the civility, the acknowledgment. And then as they get closer, they’ll look away, to give each other some space.

想象两个人在街道上面对面走近。他们会远距离观察对方。这是礼节，是对他人的认可。但是随着他们走近彼此，他们会移开视线，目的就是给对方一些个人空间。

 

In other cultures, people go to extraordinary lengths not to interact at all. People from Denmark tell me that many Danes are so averse to talking to strangers, that they would rather miss their stop on the bus than say “excuse me” to someone that they need to get around. Instead, there’s this elaborate shuffling of bags and using your body to say that you need to get past, instead of using two words.

在其他文化中，人们会尽力避免跟其他人有任何接触。丹麦的朋友告诉我，很多丹麦人不愿意和陌生人讲话，以至于他们宁愿坐过站也不愿意对别人说“接过”，好腾出地方让自己下车。他们只会通过故意移动背包和肢体语言来告诉别人他们需要借过，而不是用简单的两个单词。

 

In Egypt, I’m told, it’s rude to ignore a stranger, and there’s a remarkable culture of hospitality. Strangers might ask each other for a sip of water. Or, if you ask someone for directions, they’re very likely to invite you home for coffee. We see these unwritten rules most clearly when they’re broken, or when you’re in a new place and you’re trying to figure out what the right thing to do is.

在埃及，有人告诉我，无视陌生人是十分没有礼貌的做法，并且有很多关于友善的文化。陌生人之间可以分享饮用水，或者如果你向当地人问路，他们很有可能会邀请你到家里喝杯咖啡。只有当这些规矩被打破的时候，或者我们在新环境中想要入乡随俗，才会注意到这些本来习以为常的规矩。有时候稍微破坏一下规矩就可以发现正确的举动。

 

Sometimes breaking the rules a little bit is where the action is. In case it’s not clear, I really want you to do this. OK? So here’s how it’s going to go. Find somebody who is making eye contact. That’s a good signal. The first thing is a simple smile. If you’re passing somebody on the street or in the hallway here, smile. See what happens.

万一正确的举动并不是那么明确，我很希望你们能这样做。可以试着这样寻求帮助，找一个和你在进行眼神交流的人。有眼神交流是一个很好的信号。你首先要做的是微微一笑。 如果你在街道上或是走廊里与人擦肩而过，微笑一下，看看会发生什么。

 

Another is triangulation. There’s you, there’s a stranger, there’s some third thing that you both might see and comment on, like a piece of public art or somebody preaching in the street or somebody wearing funny clothes. Give it a try. Make a comment about that third thing, and see if starts a conversation.

另外要做的一件事是三角评估。在这个三角形中有你，一个陌生人，以及一件你们都能看到或者评价的物品，比如说一件艺术展品，或者是在街道上传教的人，或者是衣着滑稽的人。试试看。对第三件事情稍加点评，看能不能开始一段对话。另外个技巧我称它为“关注”。

 

Another is what I call noticing. This is usually giving a compliment. I’m a big fan of noticing people’s shoes. I’m actually not wearing fabulous shoes right now, but shoes are fabulous in general. And they’re pretty neutral as far as giving compliments goes. People always want to tell you things about their awesome shoes.

一般在这种情况下要赞美别人。我十分注意别人的鞋子，虽然我现在并没有穿特别抢眼的鞋子，但是总的来说，鞋子都是很棒的。而且一般在赞美的时候 都是比较中立的着眼点。人们总是愿意就他们的靓鞋多聊几句。你可能已经体会过了 爱犬原则或者是婴儿原则。

 

You may have already experienced the dogs and babies principle. It can be awkward to talk to someone on the street; you don’t know how they’re going to respond. But you can always talk to their dog or their baby. The dog or the baby is a social conduit to the person, and you can tell by how they respond whether they’re open to talking more.

和街道上的陌生人聊天可能会很尴尬——你不知道他们会怎么回应你。但你总是可以对他们的宠物狗或者是小孩讲话。宠物狗或者是小孩就是那个人的社交引线。通过他们的反应你可以判断出他们是不是愿意多聊几句。我最后想要挑战各位的一点是关于能否开诚布公。

 

The last one I want to challenge you to is disclosure. This is a very vulnerable thing to do, and it can be very rewarding. So next time you’re talking to a stranger and you feel comfortable, tell them something true about yourself, something really personal. You might have that experience I talked about of feeling understood.

这是非常示弱的行为，但同时也会带给你极大的回馈。所以下一次，当你自在地与 陌生人聊天的时候，告诉他们一些真实的事情，说一些很私人的话题。你可能会感受到我提到的那种被理解的感觉。有时在交谈的时候，有人问我：“你爸爸是做什么的？”或者“他住在哪里？”

 

Sometimes in conversation, it comes up, people ask me, “What does your dad do?” or, “Where does he live?” And sometimes I tell them the whole truth, which is that he died when I was a kid. Always in those moments, they share their own experiences of loss. We tend to meet disclosure with disclosure, even with strangers.

有时候我会对他们完完全全讲真话，也就是我爸爸在我小的时候就去世了。每当那种时刻，他们也会向我分享他们过世的亲人的故事。一般来说，人们愿意彼此敞开心扉，对陌生人也不例外。

 

So, here it is. When you talk to strangers, you’re making beautiful interruptions into the expected narrative of your daily life and theirs. You’re making unexpected connections.

所以总的来说，当你在与陌生人聊天的时候，你通过介绍自己的经历，对自己和别人的生活进行了非常美妙的打扰。你们建立起了未曾预料过的联系。

 

If you don’t talk to strangers, you’re missing out on all of that. We spend a lot of time teaching our children about strangers. What would happen if we spent more time teaching ourselves? We could reject all the ideas that make us so suspicious of each other. We could make a space for change.

如果你不与陌生人交谈，你就错过了所有那些美好的经历。我们花费了很长时间教导我们的孩子如何对待陌生人。如果我们能花更多时间教教自己呢？我们能够终止无数的猜忌。我们能够创造一个改变的空间。