TED | 如何建立自信并且影响他人

演讲精彩片段（节选）欣赏

So how do we crack the code on confidence? In my estimation, it takes at least three things: permission, community and curiosity. Permission births confidence, community nurtures it and curiosity affirms it. In education, we’ve got a saying, that you can’t be what you can’t see. When I was a little girl, I couldn’t show confidence until someone showed me.

那么我们应该如何获取自信呢？据我估计，需要三个因素：允许、团体和好奇心。自信诞生于允许，成长于团体，增强于好奇心。在教育界，我们有一句话，你无法成为你看不到的东西。当我还是个小女孩的时候，我不自信，直到有人告诉我自信是什么。

My family used to do everything together, including the mundane things, like buying a new car, and every time we did this, I’d watch my parents put on the exact same performance. We’d enter the dealership, and my dad would sit while my mom shopped. When my mom found a car that she liked, they’d go in and meet with the dealer, and inevitably, every time the dealer would turn his attention and his body to my dad, assuming that he controlled the purse strings and therefore this negotiation.

我的家庭会一起做所有的事，包括日常的事，例如买新车，每次我们这么做时，我看到我父母都会重复同样的操作。我们走进经销店，我父亲会坐下，而我母亲会去挑选。当我母亲发现一辆她喜欢的车时，他们会去见经销商，不可避免的是，每次经销商都面向我父亲，更关注我父亲，认为我是父亲在主导这次购物，由此有了下面的对话。

“Rev.Packnett,” they’d say, “how do we get you into this car today?” My dad would inevitably respond the same way. He’d slowly and silently gesture toward my mother and then put his hands right back in his lap. It might have been the complete shock of negotiating finances with a black woman in the ‘80s, but whatever it was, I’d watch my mother work these car dealers over until they were basically giving the car away for free.

“派克尼特先生，”他们说，“您今天就把车开走怎么样？”每次我父亲会以相同的方式回应。他会安静地慢慢指向我母亲，然后把双手放回大腿上。在80年代，和黑人女性商谈财务可能很让人震惊，但不管如何，我会看着我母亲和经销商讨价还价，直到他们几乎是在免费送车给我们。

She would never crack a smile. She would never be afraid to walk away. I know my mom just thought she was getting a good deal on a minivan, but what she was actually doing was giving me permission to defy expectations and to show up confidently in my skill no matter who doubts me.

她从不会笑，也从来不会害怕走开，我知道我母亲觉得她以便宜价格买了小面包车，但实际上，她在允许我反抗别人的预期，并且无论谁怀疑自己，都要通过技能展现自信。

Confidence needs permission to exist and community is the safest place to try confidence on.

自信需要允许来孕育，而团体是尝试自信最安全的地方。

I traveled to Kenya this year to learn about women’s empowerment among Maasai women. There I met a group of young women called Team Lioness, among Kenya’s first all-female community ranger groups. These eight brave young women were making history in just their teenage years.

今年我到肯尼亚，跟马赛女性学习女性自主。在那里我遇到了一群叫作“母狮队”的年轻女性，肯尼亚第一支全部由女性组成的军队。这八位勇敢的女性在青少年时期就已创造历史。

And I asked Purity, the most verbose young ranger among them, “Do you ever get scared?” I swear to you, I want to tattoo her response allover my entire body. She said, “Of course I do, but I call on my sisters. They remind me that we will be better than these men and that we will not fail.”

我问其中最能言善道的女孩普丽蒂，“你会不会害怕？”我发誓，我想把她的回答纹在我全身。她说：“我当然害怕，但我拜访了我的姐妹们。她们告诉我，我们会比别的男性更好，并且我们不会失败。”

Purity’s confidence to chase down lions and catch poachers, it didn’t come from her athletic ability or even just her faith. Her confidence was propped up by sisterhood, by community. What she was basically saying was that if I am ever in doubt, I need you to be there to restore my hope and to rebuild my certainty.

普丽蒂的自信让她能够找到狮子，追击盗猎者，这自信并非来源于她的运动能力或是信仰。她的自信源于姐妹的支撑，源于团体。她的主要意思是如果我陷入自我怀疑中，我需要你在我身边，帮我恢复希望，并且重建我的自信。

In community, I can find my confidence and your curiosity can affirm it. Early in my career, I led a large-scale event that did not go exactly as planned. I’m lying to you. It was terrible.

在团体中，我能找到我的自信心，而你的好奇心能巩固它。在我职业生涯早期，我主办了一场大型活动，这场活动并不是很顺利。事实上，它非常糟糕。

And when I debriefed the event with my manager, I just knew that she was going to rundown the list of every mistake I had ever made, probably from birth. But instead, she opened with a question: What was your intention? I was surprised but relieved. She knew that I was already beating myself up, and that question invited me to learn from my own mistakes instead of damage my already fragile confidence.

当我向经理汇报活动状况时，我知道她准备从头到尾数落我犯下的每一个错误，可能是从我出生开始。但相反，她开口问了一个问题：“你的目的是什么？”我很惊讶，但松了口气。她知道我内心已经很沮丧了，那个问题让我从自己的错误中学习，而不是打击我摇摇欲坠的自信心。

Curiosity invites people to be in charge of their own learning. That exchange, it helped me approach my next project with the expectation of success. Permission, community, curiosity: all of these are the things that we will need to breed the confidence that we’ll absolutely need to solve our greatest challenges and to build the world we dream.

好奇心让人们能够掌控自己的学习。那次交流帮助我在下一次的项目中取得了成功。允许、团体和好奇心：这三者能帮助我们培养自信，继而让我们用自信解决最大的挑战，建立我们梦想中的世界。

A world where inequity is ended and where justice is real, a world where we can be free on the outside and free on the inside because we know that none of us are free until all of us are free. A world that isn’t intimidated by confidence when it shows up as a woman or in black skin or in anything other than our preferred archetypes of leadership. A world that knows that that kind of confidence is exactly the key we need to unlock the future that we want.

在那里，一切不平等都被消除，公正会成为现实，在那里，我们的内心和外在都是自由的，因为我们知道，只有人人自由，才是真正的自由。那样的世界会鼓励女性、或是黑人、或是除了天生的领导人之外的所有人获得自信。在那里，人们明白那种自信正是开启理想中未来的关键钥匙。