TED | 如何跟意见不同的人交朋友？

演讲精彩片段（节选）欣赏

Joan Blades: So I met John outside of Washington, DC, with an idealistic group of cross-partisan bridge builders, and we wanted to re-weave the fabric of our communities. We believe that our differences can be a strength, that our values can be complimentary and that we have to overcome the fight so that we can honor everyone’s values and not lose any of our own.

乔安妮：我在华盛顿特区外认识了约翰，还有一个理想主义团体，成员都是在建立跨越党派桥梁的人，我们想要重建我们社群的结构。我们相信，我们的歧见可以成为优势，我们的价值观可以是互补的，且我们得要克服这斗争，让我们能够尊重每个人的价值观，同时不失去自己的。

I went for this wonderful walk with John, where I started learning about the work he was doing to pierce the filter bubble. It was powerful; it was brilliant. Living in separate narratives is not good. We can’t even have a conversation or do collaborative problem-solving when we don’t share the same facts.

我和约翰的对谈非常美好，谈话中，我开始了解他做的工作，刺穿过滤泡泡。那很强大；那很出色。住在不同的故事当中并非好事。当我们没有共同的事实时，我们甚至无法交谈或是共同解决问题。

John Gable: So one thing you take away from today is if Joan Blades asks you to go on a walk, go on that walk.

约翰：所以，今天你们能学到的是，如果乔安妮布雷德请你去散步，那就去散步。

It changed things. It really changed the way I was thinking about things. To free ourselves from the filter bubbles, we can’t just think about information filter bubbles, but also relationship and social filter bubbles. You see, we human beings - we’re not nearly as smart as we think we are.

它会造成改变。它真的改变了我对事物的看法。要让我们脱离过滤泡泡，我们不能只想着信息过滤泡泡，还要去想关系以及社交过滤泡泡。我们人类没有自己想的那么聪明。

We don’t generally make decisions intellectually. We make them emotionally, intuitively, and then we use our big old brains to rationalize anything we want to rationalize. We’re not really like Vulcans like Mr. Spock, we’re more like bold cowboys like Captain Kirk, or passionate idealists like Dr. McCoy. OK, for those of y’all who prefer the new “Star Trek” crew, here you go.

我们通常不会做出明智的决策。我们的决策是情绪的、直觉的，然后再用又大又老的脑袋来把我们想合理化的一切给合理化。我们并不像瓦肯人，不像史巴克，我们较像鲁莽的牛仔，像柯克舰长，或是热情的理想主义者，像老骨头麦考伊。如果你们比较喜欢新的《星舰迷航记》成员，那就给你们吧。

Joan Blades: Don’t forget the strong women!

乔安妮：别忘了坚强的女性们！

John Gable: Come on, strong women. OK.

约翰：来吧，坚强的女性。

Joan Blades: All right.

乔安妮：好。

John and I are both “Star Trek” fans. What’s not to love about a future with that kind of optimism?

约翰和我都是《星舰迷航记》迷。有着那种乐观主义的未来，怎么会不让人喜欢？

John Gable: And having a good future in mind is a big deal - very important. And understanding what the problem is is very important. But we have to do something. So what do we do? It’s actually not that hard. We have to add diversity to our lives - not just information, but relationship diversity.

约翰：心中有个美好的未来是至关紧要的－非常重要。了解问题是什么，是非常重要的。但我们得要采取行动。我们要怎么做？其实没有那么难。我们得在我们的生活中加入多样性－不只是信息，还有关系的多样性。

And by diversity, I mean big “D” diversity, not just racial and gender, which are very important, but also ... diversity of age, like young and old; rural and urban; liberal and conservative; in the US, Democrat and Republican. Now, one of the great examples of somebody freeing themselves from their filter bubbles and getting a more diverse life is, once again, next to me - Joan.

我所指的多样性是很广泛的，种族和性别是很重要，但不只这些，还有…年龄的多样性，比如年轻及年迈、郊区及市区、自由及保守，还有在美国的民主党及共和党。有一个很棒的例子可以说明人要如何脱离他们的过滤泡泡，提高人生中的多样性，这例子又是，我旁边的乔安妮。

Joan Blades: So the question is: Who among you has had relationships lost or harmed due to differences in politics, religion or whatever? Raise your hands. Yeah. This year I have talked to so many people that have experienced that kind of loss. I’ve seen tears well up in people’s eyes as they talk about family members from whom they’re estranged.

乔安妮：所以，问题是：在座各位有谁遇过因为政治、宗教、或其他歧见而造成关系断绝或受损？请举手。好。今年，我和好多人谈过，他们都经历过这种损失。我见过人们在谈他们疏远的家人时眼中泛着泪光。

Living Room Conversations were designed to begin to heal political and personal differences. They’re simple conversations where two friends with different viewpoints each invite two friends for structured conversation, where everyone’s agreed to some simple ground rules: curiosity, listening, respect, taking turns - everything we learned in kindergarten, right? Really easy.

「客厅对谈」的设计目的是要治愈政治和个人的歧见。它们是很简单的对谈，观点不同的两位朋友，各自邀请两位朋友，来做结构性的对谈，对谈的每个人都要同意遵守简单的基本规则：好奇心、倾听、尊重、轮流－都是我们在幼儿园学到的，对吧？很简单。

So by the time you’re talking about the topic you’ve agreed to talk about, you actually have the sense that, “You know, I kind of like this person,” and you listen to each other differently. That’s kind of a human condition; we listen differently to people we care about. And then there’s reflection and possibly next steps. This is a deep listening practice; it’s never a debate. And that’s incredibly powerful. These conversations in our own living rooms with people who have different view points are an incredible adventure. We rediscover that we can respect and even love people that are different from us. And it’s powerful.

所以，当你在谈论你同意要谈的话题时，你其实会感觉到：「你知道吗，我还算喜欢这个人。」且你会用不同的方式倾听彼此。那是一种人性，我们会用不同方式倾听我们在乎的人。接着会有反思，可能会有后续步骤。这是深度倾听的练习，从来就不是辩论。那是非常强大的。在我们自家客厅和不同观点的人所做的这些交谈，是场非常棒的冒险。我们重新发现，我们能够尊重和我们不同的人，甚至去爱他们。这很强大。