为什么家庭暴力受害者不离开

1711 2 来源：SPIIKER 2017-05-18

演讲简介：莱斯利·摩根·斯泰纳曾经陷入“疯狂的爱情”——即爱上了一个经常虐待她并威胁她生命的男人。斯泰纳描述了她的婚姻中黑暗的一面，纠正了许多人对于家庭暴力受害者的错误理解，并告诉我们如何帮助受害者打破沉默。

演讲者：Leslie Morgan Steiner

精彩演讲片段赏析

Back to my question: Why did I stay? The answer is easy. I didn't know he was abusing me. Even though he held those loaded guns to my head, pushed me down stairs, threatened to kill our dog, pulled the key out of the car ignition as I drove down the highway, poured coffee grinds on my head as I dressed for a job interview, I never once thought of myself as a battered wife. Instead, I was a very strong woman in love with a deeply troubled man, and I was the only person on Earth who could help Conor face his demons.

回到我的问题：为什么我要留下来了？答案很简单。我并不知道他是在虐待我。尽管他用上膛的枪指着我的头，把我推下楼梯，威胁杀掉我们的狗，在高速公路上拔掉车钥匙，在我为了面试而准备着装时把咖啡粉从我头上倒下来，我从来没有想过自己是一个受到虐待的妻子。正好相反，我是一个很强硬的女性深爱着这个饱受困扰的男人，而且我是这世上唯一一个可以帮助康纳面对自己心魔的人。

The other question everybody asks is, why doesn't she just leave? Why didn't I walk out? I could have left any time. To me, this is the saddest and most painful question that people ask, because we victims know something you usually don't: It's incredibly dangerous to leave an abuser. Because the final step in the domestic violence pattern is kill her.

大家都想问的另一个问题是，为什么她不离开？我为什么没有逃跑？我有很多的机会。对我来说，这是人们问过的最让我伤心和痛苦的问题，你不能理解，但是只有我们受害者自己清楚离开施虐者是多么的危险。因为在家庭暴力中的最后一步就是杀掉她。

Over 70 percent of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship, after she's gotten out, because then the abuser has nothing left to lose. Other outcomes include long-term stalking, even after the abuser remarries; denial of financial resources; and manipulation of the family court system to terrify the victim and her children, who are regularly forced by family court judges to spend unsupervised time with the man who beat their mother. And still we ask, why doesn't she just leave?

超过70%的家庭暴力谋杀发生在受害者结束这段关系后，在她离开之后，因为施虐者已经毫无顾忌。其他可能的结果包括长期的跟踪，甚至施虐者再婚之后（仍会跟踪）；拒绝经济支持；欺骗家庭法庭来恐吓受害者和她的孩子。孩子们通常会被家庭问题法官要求和那个打他们母亲的男人一起度过一段无人监管的时间。现在我们仍然会问，她为什么不逃走？

I was able to end my own crazy love story by breaking the silence. I'm still breaking the silence today. It's my way of helping other victims, and it's my final request of you. Talk about what you heard here. Abuse thrives only in silence. You have the power to end domestic violence simply by shining a spotlight on it.

我能够结束自己“疯狂的爱”的故事靠的是打破沉默。今天我仍然在打破着沉默。这是我帮助其他的受害者的方式，同时也是我对你们最后的请求。告诉别人你今天听到的。虐待只能活在沉默中。你有能力制止家庭暴力只需要点亮星星之火。

We victims need everyone. We need every one of you to understand the secrets of domestic violence. Show abuse the light of day by talking about it with your children, your coworkers, your friends and family. Recast survivors as wonderful, lovable people with full futures. Recognize the early signs of violence and conscientiously intervene, deescalateit, show victims a safe way out. Together we can make our beds, our dinner tables and our families the safe and peaceful oases they should be.

我们受害者需要每一个人的帮助。我们需要你们每一个人理解家庭暴力的秘密。和你的孩子，你的同事，你的朋友和家人讨论这个话题，将虐待曝之于光，帮助幸存者重新找回美好、可爱的自己，重新拥有未来。发现家庭暴力的预兆并认真的干预，减少发生的可能性，给受害者提供安全的出路。让我们携起手来，让我们的床，我们餐桌和家庭成为它们应该成为的安全、和平的绿洲。