TED | 内心的喧哗

演讲精彩片段（节选）欣赏

Now looking back on the wreckage and despair of those years, it seems to me now as if someone died in that place, and yet, someone else was saved. A broken and haunted person began that journey, but the person who emerged was a survivor and would ultimately grow into the person I was destined to be.

回首这些年的千疮百孔，看来就像有人陨殁。但另一个人却获救起初那个伤痕累累又不安的人，已褪变为一个救星，最后变成命中注定的样子。

Many people have harmed me in my life, and I remember them all, but the memories grow pale and faint in comparison with the people who’ve helped me. The fellow survivors, the fellow voice-hearers,the comrades and collaborators; the mother who never gave up on me, who knew that one day I would come back to her and was willing to wait for me for as long as it took;

我这一生被许多人伤害过而且我都记得，但相较于受人恩惠，那些不堪回首的事就显得依稀模糊了。那些同病相怜的过来人、朋友和伙伴还有对我从未放弃希望的母亲 ，她知道女儿总有一天会恢复，而她愿意一直等下去。

The doctor who only worked with me for a brief time but who reinforced his belief that recovery was not only possible but inevitable, and during a devastating period of relapse told my terrified family, “Don’t give up hope. I believe that Eleanor can get through this. Sometimes, you know, it snows as late as May, but summer always comes eventually.”

那位和我萍水相逢的医生，不仅坚信我有可能康复，而且一定会康复。 在我病情不断复发，令人心力憔悴的那段时间他告诉我的家人：「别放弃希望！「我相信Eleanor能捱过这关！」「有时候5月天也会下雪」「但夏天终究会来！」

Fourteen minutes is not enough time to fully credit those good and generous people who fought with me and for me and who waited to welcome me back from that agonized, lonely place. But together, they forged a blend of courage, creativity, integrity, and an unshakeable belief that my shattered self could become healed and whole.

14分钟的时间其实不够我去感谢那些拉我一把的好人。有人与我并肩作战，为我挺身而出还有人盼着我从孤独沉痛中恢复过来。但他们共同造就的勇气、创造力、诚信和坚定信念，让原来支离破碎的我，得以找回完整的自己。

I used to say that these people saved me, but what I now know is they did something even more important in that they empowered me to save myself, and crucially, they helped me to understand something which I'd always suspected: that my voices were a meaningful response to traumatic life events, particularly childhood events, and as such were not my enemies but a source of insight into solvable emotional problems.

我曾说这些人救了我 但我现在才明白 是他们让我有力量拯救自己 更重要的是，他们让我了解 一件我过去始终不确定的事 我所听见的那些声音，其实是以有意义的方式 响应过去的伤痛，尤其是我的童年 这样说来，我们不应彼此为敌是这些声音让我看清那些并非无解的情绪问题。

Now, at first, this was very difficult to believe, not least because the voices appeared so hostile and menacing, so in this respect, a vital first step was learning to separate out a metaphorical meaning from what I’d previously interpreted to be a literal truth. So for example, voices which threatened to attack my home I learned to interpret as my own sense of fear and insecurity in the world, rather than an actual, objective danger.

起初这很难去相信不只因为那些声音好像不怀好意，既然如此，首要步骤就是学着从我原本理解的表象中，找到其中的隐含的意义。举例来说，那些声音曾威胁要袭击我家那时我习惯以自身的恐惧感和不安来解读事情，而非真正具体的危险。

Now at first, I would have believed them. I remember, for example, sitting up one night on guard outside my parents’ room to protect them from what I thought was a genuine threat from the voices. Because I'd had such a bad problem with self-injury that most of the cutlery in the house had been hidden, so I ended up arming myself with a plastic fork, kind of like picnic ware, and sort of sat outside the room clutching it and waiting to spring into action should anything happen. It was like, “Don’t mess with me. I’ve got a plastic fork, don’t you know?” Strategic.

刚开始我信以为真。还记得有一次我彻夜不眠，守在我爸妈房门前提防我认为那些声音很可能带来的威胁，因为在那之前我自残过好几次，所以家里大部分的餐具都被藏起来。最后我拿一支塑料叉当武器，就是那种野餐用的，然后坐在门外，把叉子夹在腋下高度戒备，那情形就像说：「别惹我！」 「你不知道我有武器吗？」这是我用的战术。

But a later response, and much more useful, would be to try and deconstruct the message behind the words, so when the voices warned me not to leave the house, then I would thank them for drawing my attention to how unsafe I felt - because if I was aware of it, then I could do something positive about it - but go on to reassure both them and myself that we were safe and didn't need to feel frightened anymore.

但我随后的反应比较有效。我尝试拆解言外之意，所以当声音警告我不要出门，我会谢谢他们的提醒，让我注意到自己多缺乏安全感。因有这份认知，我就可以积极面对问题安抚自己及那些声音我们很安全，用不着害怕

I would set boundaries for the voices, and try to interact with them in a way that was assertive yet respectful, establishing a slow process of communication and collaboration in which we could learn to work together and support one another.

我会与「他们」划清界线，试着以坚决的态度与他们沟通，但保持尊重并放缓沟通及合作的过程。这样「我们」才能学习共事，互相扶持。