TED | 当死亡突然降临，生活如何继续

演讲精彩片段（节选）欣赏

Half of critical care nurses and a quarter of ICU doctors have considered quitting their jobs because of distress over feeling that for some of their patients, they’ve provided care that didn’t fit with the person’s values. But doctors can’t make sure your wishes are respected until they know what they are.

一半的重症监护护士和1/4的ICU医生考虑过换工作，因为有时候他们提供的帮助并不符合患者的诉求，这种感觉让他们感觉到很痛苦。但是只有当医生知道你的愿望究竟是什么，才有可能确认它们得到了尊重。

Would you want to be on life support if it offered any chance of longer life? Are you most worried about the quality of that time, rather than quantity? Both of those choices are thoughtful and brave,but for all of us, it’s our choice. That’s true at the end of life and for medical care through out our lives.

你是否愿意通过生命维持装置延续你的生命？那时你是否更加关注生活质量，而不是生命的长度？两种选择都是勇敢且睿智的，对我们而言，这是我们的选择。这对于我们的临终医疗以及我们日常的医疗服务都是如此。

If you’re pregnant, do you want genetic screening? Is a knee replacement right or not? Do you want to do dialysis in a clinic or at home? The answer is: it depends. What medical care will help you live the way you want to? I hope you remember that question the next time you face a decision in your health care. Remember that you always have a choice, and it is OK to say no to a treatment that’s not right for you.

如果你怀孕了，你想做基因筛查么？要不要更换膝关节？你希望在家还是在诊所做血液透析？答案是：看情况。哪种医疗方案能够帮助你按你想要的方式生活？我希望你在下一次面对你的医疗方案问题时，能够记得这个问题。记住，你始终可以选择。而且当医疗方案不适合你时，你可以说不。

There’s a poem by W.S. Merwin - it’s just two sentences long - that captures how I feel now. Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color. For me that poem evokes my love for Paul, and a new fortitude that came from loving and losing him.

W.S. Merwin 写过一首诗——很短，只有两行——描述了我现在的感受。“你的离去，如丝线穿针，穿过了我。从此我的生活，都是你的色彩。”对于我而言，这首诗激发了我对Paul的爱，带给我新的勇气在我经历对Paul的爱和逝去之后。

When Paul said, It’s going to be OK, that didn’t mean that we could cure his illness. Instead, we learned to accept both joy and sadness at the same time; to uncover beauty and purpose both despite and because we are all born and we all die. And for all the sadness and sleepless nights, it turns out there is joy.

当Paul说，“一切都会变好的，”他并不是说他的癌症能够痊愈。相反，我们学会了接受这段过程中经历的愉悦和悲伤；去发现生活的美和意义，学会放下，因为我们都会出生，也都会死去。在那些悲伤的不眠之夜，我们也找到了一些快乐。

I leave flowers on Paul’s grave and watch our two-year-old run around on the grass. I build bonfires on the beach and watch the sunset with our friends. Exercise and mindfulness meditation have helped a lot. And someday, I hope I do get remarried.

我在Paul的坟墓摆上鲜花看着两岁大的孩子在草地里奔跑玩耍。我在海滩点一堆篝火，跟朋友看日落。健身和冥想训练很有帮助。有时候，我确实希望能够再婚。

Most importantly, I get to watch our daughter grow. I’ve thought a lot about what I’m going to say to her when she’s older. Cady, engaging in the full range of experience - living and dying, love and loss - is what we get to do. Being human doesn’t happen despite suffering. It happens within it. When we approach suffering together, when we choose not to hide from it, our lives don’t diminish, they expand.

最重要的是，我能够看着女儿一天天长大。我一直在思考，当她更大一些如何跟她诉说。“Cady，拥抱人生所有的体验——生与死，爱与失去——都是我们要经历的。身而为人并不能够无视苦难。人生伴随着苦难。当我们能够一起面对苦难，当我们选择不再去回避它，我们的生活并不会萎缩，而是会得到延伸。”

I’ve learned that cancer isn’t always a battle. Or if it is, maybe it’s a fight for something different than we thought. Our job isn’t to fight fate, but to help each other through. Not as soldiers but as shepherds. That’s how we make it OK, even when it’s not. By saying it out loud, by helping each other through... and a gorilla suit never hurts, either.

经历过这些我意识到治疗癌症并不是一场战役。如果是的话，那么可能也是一场跟我们想象的不同的战役。我们要做的不是跟命运抗争，而是相互扶持，度过难关。我们不是战士，我们是牧羊人。这是我们体会到的变好，即使它可能不是。通过开诚布公，相互扶持度过这段旅程… 准备一套大猩猩戏服总没坏处。